catching up

I always thought that being busy was a white lie that your significant other said to you when didn’ t want to talk to you…and then several “I’m busy” were covering a big fat lie, like cheating for example. But now, I’m busy, so busy that I’ve caught myself into lots of paperwork and nothing of free time other than what should be given to sleep and I’ve only checked online stuff briefly because I don’t have much time to update and worse, I’m slipping at work, which is worrying me, probably because I’m really insecure, thefore, I’m feeling like shit. But nothing makes me more shitty than the fact that someone could tell me “I’m busy” for 5 years and it turned out not to be true…in part.

I wonder how people can really handle and carry themselves. I can’t. Probably is the awful vibe I’m having at the moment. I’m still fighting to be re-located in my office and trying to leave early enough to don’t be that early and not so late to be stuck in traffic. And now I’m catching up with work and blog. Facing my emotional defeat. All this is giving me more negativity that I don’t need but I know that thing will never be in my terms but I will have to surrender to all the use and abuse of my insecure mind…because I come back home but I can’t be on my own either. 

Plus, I’m sick and hungry: I want to go home. but I’m stuck in my office…I want to cry.

I’ve been watching movies. A couple of days ago I had a little free time to be home alone and I saw a movie, “Dedication“, first movie directed by actor Justin Theroux, with Billy Crudup, Mandy Moore and Tom Wilkinson.  I wanted to see it for ages and I liked it even if it seemed to be underwritten at some point but had some interesting parts.  It was cute.  I was watching “Juno” last night.  It’s funny, a bit weird too.  I can’t wait to finish it as soon as I can come back home.  Movies…that’s something I really need to catch up with.

Speaking of my emotional defeat, last week I bought something known as Singelringen, a ring for singles.  I was hesitant at first because it’s a bit expensive (I got it for $48 while it was being introduced but I believe it’s $56) but considering that people make fun of me because I’m single at my age when almost everybody else I know is married with kids and I would be married by now if my ex wasn’t that busy, if you have read this far, you know what I’m talking about. Anyway, I have this ring that says I’m proud to be a young spinster unmarried person and I don’t care what you think about it.  

I need to go home right now.

I must be dreaming…

If the day has 24 hours and I get to sleep 6 hours, one hour for getting ready&breakfast and 2 hours and a half wasted in the bus (I sleep in that half hour) and 1 hour for lunch, we have 9 that I’m not online. Of course that at work of the 8 hours of work, I’m online an avergae of 5-6 hours because I have to do research.

OK. Enough about counting wasted hours of my life and back to what I was about to write today and didn’t because I was reminded that I had to work. Don’t you just love when a favorite actor has a role in a movie that looks that can do good for his/her career? I heard of Public Enemies, movie directed by Michael Mann, on the day the Academy Awards were held and while reading the cast attached to it, Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Giovanni Ribisi and Marion Cotillard, without knowing the plot, I immediately thought that Billy Crudup should’ve been there. And last night before bedtime, I checked some movie news and oh surprise, he just joined the cast.

Now, if anything I wish could come true just like that…

To something completely unrelated yeat something I love. I listen to Swedish musicians of different genres since the later days of ABBA and I know many share this fascination, not exactly since ABBA but probably later, no doubt CNN once said that Sweden was the 3rd largest exporter of music in the world.

One genre that is left for me to discover (as I’m not familiar with it and maybe I wasn’t made to like it) is jazz. Yet, I know that the Scandinavians in general do it well and that’s the only bit of jazz that I (unfortunately) listen to.  While doing my music research homework (searching for some albums to download) I came across Fredrika Stahl’s A Fraction of You, I was listening to it on the way to work and it was a lovely mix of pop-jazz which reminded me of Silje Nergaard.  If you like female singers and pop jazz, you can start checking out these two or also last.fm and the compilations Jazzflora:Scandinavian Aspects of Jazz and Nordic Lounge.

Oh, it’s getting late anyway.

“Saturday, I’m tryin’ to find some space on my own…”

Holy week and I’m resting, despite the fact that I wake up with a headache everyday, probably that’s what a very shiny day can do to my eyes. Maybe I need a rest from my computer screen too or just adjust it as it had a filter before me but now it hurts while I’m reading at the morning, I guess that’s why I like to blog at nights.

Long weekend breaks are a blessing and I have plenty of them throughout the year. However, I expected to spend this quietly but my mom invited my relatives for lunch. I understand the value of my family as I’m getting older, we are very close and similar to each other. Many people had hated me because of the kind of relationship that I have with my mother (she is overprotective of myself and my money) but by talking to her on these days, I realise that she is the only reliable person I have in my life, I mean, friends and lovers come and go because of the way I am, So What is it left for me? My mom is the only one who supports me when someone else has backstabbed me. She can be critical but she doesn’t make me feel inferior nor bullies me on purpose.

It’s believed that people shows certain respect on Good Friday and I know that I should’ve been away from my computer but some livejournal users were on a “content strike” and since I’m a longtime livejournal user and I don’t have enough time to make the most of it, I just sat down, read my friends’ entries and commented. In my opinion, they should have taken into account that strike and livejournal are incompatible terms same as silence and blog. If you can have online access and decide to use it to vent and express your ideas, there is no reason to stop doing it. Therefore, you commit to voice your opinion then you have a powerful effect in your readers, regardless if they agree or disagree with you.

And it’s hard to fight for your rights when the Internet it’s so vast but it can be successful in the end. Just look at Trent Reznor: He recently released, as Nine Inch Nails, his latest album Ghosts I-IV and made $1.6 million on its first week. I’ve been a fan for 8 years and it’s one of my favorites, on the other hand, I won’t lie, I download mp3s because I know that recordstores and labels take almost all the money we pay for a CD so I only buy an album when it becomes a must have.

At first, when Napster came out, Reznor considered it a “theft” but once he learned that Universal Music Group’s retail pricing of Year Zero in Australia was $29, because “We know you have a real core audience that will pay whatever it costs when you put something out – you know, true fans. It’s the pop stuff we have to discount to get people to buy.” So he encouraged Australian fans to “steal and steal and steal some more and give it to all your friends and keep on stealin’.” The price of Year Zero in my country was $32 as of January 2008, so I asked the salespeople why it was so expensive, they said it was because it came with that price. Finally, I bought it for $19 on Valentine’s Day. Ironically, I would like to buy albums by Australian artists and I must say that Universal Music does charge for them more than the other companies such as Sony and Warner.

As an online release, Ghosts I-IV has been well planned, same can be said of the concept and the music. I’m intending to buy the 2CD version and for that I feel happy to contribute with NIN with $10, knowing that it won’t reach a local recordstore to sell it at $50 and get $1 in return.

that mermaid dress

I don’t think I’m cuestioning my choice to blog sometimes, in fact, I’m happy with my barely constant blogging habit. I can’t think of many things to say here other than going personal and write: Today, I made a lot of drama out of nothing, anything and evertything. It’s hard to find some inner peace as I’m often feeling confused and clueless…in fact I’m aware of it, therefore I’m not that confused or clueless. What I’m trying to say is that I take things too seriously that I see them from the wrong angle. And when it comes to blogging, it’s such a disaster…I mean, venting isn’t confessing….it it’s fun!

I recall having good Valentine’s days in recent years and none included a boyfriend. In fact I can remember when an ex didn’t call me at all and on the next day I asked what (the hell) happened and he hung up. Yeah, that was bad. So this year I had a brief date with myself, I turned into my boyfriend, bought myself a sundae and a CD, things that I rarely buy without feeling guilty about them, (I haven’t bought an original CD in 7 years or so)  I have never been surrounded by so many couples in my whole life, it was incredibly romantic even if I was alone.   Just wanted to share this.

And speaking of romantic, I saw the Academy Awards ceremony on Sunday night. In the 20 years that I’ve been watching it, I can’t say that they have been brilliant, but this year the overproduced glamour and magic were absent.  Hopefully for we, the viewers who didn’t fall asleep during the show, there was some room for shock and emotion, which always give the Oscars that human feel we all end up talking about on the next days….and better, the acting honors went to European actors.  If you weren’t of the Team Bardem until Sunday night, you have been missing the chance of discover this wonderful actor but not anymore…

I was suprised when Tilda Swinton was announced as the winner of the supporting actress category and even more, to realise that she can be funny too.  Her dress was horrible but who cares, I really wanted her to win.  Marion -but it’s romantic- Cotillard (if you have seen Big Fish, you will understand) was the belle of the ball by far, no matter if the US Entertainment shows, magazines and sites say otherwise, sure Katherine Heigl is a very beautiful woman but there were similar dresses while Cotillard’s was daring and had that lovely & coveted accesory.

outdated

In the transition from unemployed to employed and from home to work, I have missed many things and gained others. I am always worried about surviving the traffic and that the office’s toilet paper can survive the day too. I come back home at nearly 10pm and I may have some minutes to talk to my parents before go to bed.

I rely on Internet to stay up-to-date with the latest news nowadays. 3 events got me surfing for a while. One of them is The Australian Open, don’t think that I’m obsessed or anything like that, is just that some games happened while I was sleeping or on the way to work so I had to check the results at its official site. The men single’s finals are at 4:30am so either me or dad will be watching in case we can wake up at that time.

Also, the Oscar nominations, I’m really surprised since I haven’t heard of most of the nominated movies, or probably I did while they were in production but I’m not even going to elaborate how horrible is that, considering that I’ve always been an enthusiast, but I guess now it’s all about the quality of the movies and the talented people involved not about who is the big box-office name or fandom hearthrob attached to them….with the exception of Johnny Depp who is very good and has many fans. And I check out Sundance Film Festival reports, reviews, blog entries, etc, especially if there’s a new movie that I’ve been following since it’s production, such as Pretty Bird and Downloading Nancy, I guess they got mixed reviews but many indepedent movies are hard to understand and watch.

Oh I forgot, now I’m looking for a good on-line music station, since I’m bored of the local ones that play the same 80’s hits over and over. I listen to npr.org to discover new stuff and Nova for its dance music selections and it loads fast.  last.fm, is my favorite tool to listen to new and favs but I’m not allowed to load it at work.

So…any advice?